16 replies to this topic

[Andrew]

Australian Computer Terminology

LOG ON: Adding wood to make the barbie hotter.
LOG OFF: Not adding any more wood to the barbie.
MONITOR: Keeping an eye on the barbie.
DOWNLOAD: Getting the firewood off the ute?.
HARD DRIVE: Making the trip back home without any cold tinnies.

KEYBOARD: Where you hang the ute? keys.
WINDOW: What you shut when the weather's cold.
SCREEN: What you shut in the mozzie season.
BYTE: What mozzies do.
MEGABYTE: What bloody great big mozzies do.
CHIP: A bar snack.
MICROCHIP: What's left in the bag after you've eaten the chips.

MODEM: What you did to the lawns.
LAPTOP: Where the cat sleeps and ...
SOFTWARE: Plastic knives & forks you get at Red Rooster.
HARDWARE: Stainless steel knives & forks you get from K-Mart.
MOUSE: The small rodent that eats the grain in the shed.

MAINFRAME: What holds the bloody shed up.
WEB: What spiders make.
WEBSITE: Usually in the shed near the rafters, or under the
verandah.
SEARCH ENGINE: What you do when the ute? won't bloody go.
CURSOR: What you say when the ute? won't bloody go.
YAHOO: What you say when the ute? does bloody go.
UPGRADE: A steep hill.

SERVER: The person at the pub who brings out the counter
lunch.
MAIL SERVER: The bloke at the pub who brings out the counter
lunch.
USER: The bloody neighbour who keeps borrowing
things.
NETWORK: What you do when you need to repair the fishing
net.
INTERNET: Where you want the fish to go [doh!].
NETSCAPE: What the fish do when they discover the hole in
the net.
ONLINE: Where you hang the washin.
OFFLINE: Where the washin ends up, when the pegs aren't
bloody strong enough.

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[Davey G]

Haha! I'm loving it Andrew!

But iv a question for you bud, are Aussies out to get the rest of the world?

[Dalton]

Haha!
That's hilarious!

[Splappy]

Ha!
Those are liek so funny!
And an ute' is a car, right?

[Andrew]

Splappy said:

And an ute' is a car, right?

yep, but a bit different.

If you want i can send you a pic !

[Andrew]

Here's A Joke For You....

Quote

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl tells him that after dinner, she would like to have sex with him for the first time.

The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacy to get some condoms. The pharmacist helps the boy for about half an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex. At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy a 3-pack, 10-pack or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.

That night, the boy shows up at the girls parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents! Come on in!"

The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down 10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy. Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious."

The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist!"

From Comedy Central

[Andrew]

Heres A Joke For Ya...

Quote

Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, ''Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?'' When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. ''God Almighty !'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good'' and Mary fell back to sleep.

A while later the teacher asked Mary, ''Who is our Lord and Savior?'' But Mary didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. ''Jesus Christ!'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good,'' and Mary fell back to sleep. Then the teacher asked Mary a third question, ''What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?'' And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time Mary jumped up and shouted, ''If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!'' The Teacher fainted.

From Comedy Central

[Andrew]

Here is the vlexo joke database, feel free to add to it.

[Jan J]

Really cool, thank you for sharing.

[vista07]

LOL....now that shockingly phunny!!!

[Matty B]

Man, Andrew, that is officially the funniest thing I have EVER read....

And to all those who dont know what a ute is... A ute is simply a "Pickup Truck" but Australian, and not as bloody well big as the ones overseas. More like a car without the back half...:




But the "Ute" more appropriate for the first joke are usually owned by young "Rev Head" farmers, who do their utes up to look like mini semi trucks!.. Needed for the "Roos" and other obstacles! Also comonly used in the sport of Pig Hunting:

[IYang Collins]

lol, i love that little mary one...

[OrangeDolphin]

wonder what would the aussie farmers create out of a Trabant http://en.wikipedia...._601_Estate.jpg lol

[Seba]

My fav joke of the month (or two!) has been

Jack and Jill went up the hill to lick Jill's fanny, Jack got a shock, and a mouth cock, 'cos Jill is a preop tranny.

[Noobeedoo]

Seba said:

My fav joke of the month (or two!) has been

Jack and Jill went up the hill to lick Jill's fanny, Jack got a shock, and a mouth cock, 'cos Jill is a preop tranny.

NOT funny at all.. if you are a pervert or a deranged individual, it could be funny at your own terms.. SICK.

[Seba]

Preverted or deranged? How you figure that out? The only thing I see 'wrong' with the joke is it makes 'fun' of a group of people that already get a bit of a hard time.

I guess if there is a problem there and its not because you are apart of this group, it has to be you with the problem.

[Ranana_pecy]

This is going back a bit I know...but this is my favourite Hitler joke. The German family is gather around for dinner and the father tells his son that from now on when he recites the traditional prayer "Grace before Meals" he must end it with the words "Thank God...and Hitler".

What happens when Mr. Hitler dies" asks the son.

Then you just thank God, replies the father.